contradiction
by the ocean floor
Summary: Now when she sees you, she is simply Massie Block and you are simply Derrick Harrington and the idea of the two of you working was never one to even flit across her ever-wandering mind.


_"If people were like rain, I'd be like drizzle and she'd be a hurricane."_  
><strong>-Looking for Alaska.<strong>

**_day one._**

You don't actually know why you're standing in the middle of Josh Hotz's living room with a red cup in your hand, surrounded by sweating, delirious teenagers. Associating yourself with these people during school is one thing, but outside of it? You shake your head and lean against the wall and somewhere between your second and fifth cup of beer, Skye Hamilton approaches you, her arms linked with some brunette's who you're sure you've met before but you can't remember. That and you're nearly drunk and don't actually care to recall your encounters with your fellow classmates.

"Derrick, you're wasted already," Skye says, shaking her head and smiling at you softly, you roll your eyes at your best friend and scuff your shoe into the ground. "I'm thirsty, take care of Mass for a second, will 'yah?" And she whips her blonde hair at your face and walks off greeting every bloody person in her path.

_Massie_, so that's what her name is, you think. She's the girl who always hangs around Skye and Alicia and you nod when you remember that she's in your English Lit class and your College Level Math course. She's an enigma to the male population at school, she was always reserved yet loud, boisterous yet calculating and you never had time for contradicting people. You watch as she texts furiously on her phone a small smirk on her face as if she's mastered only half of Mona Lisa's infamous smile.

"Derrick," you say, the alcohol clouding your better judgement as you shove a hand in her direction.

"Massie, but I'm sure you already knew that, or at least that's what you've been trying to figure out." She grins at you and continues to text and you tilt your head, shake it and then lean it back against the wall. You study her soft features like her shining straight hair that twists every once in a while to her pink lips and her long lashes. She's easy on the eyes in such a classic and delicate way, nothing too harsh about her and you think you like that. "You know I heard you were smart, but seeing as you're drinking like a fish and not caring for the damage you're doing to your kidneys, I'd think otherwise."

You raise your eyebrows, "My liver actually - drinking damages it more than it damages the kidneys." Its your turn to grin and you quite like the way her face heats up at being proven wrong, or half right.

"Well aren't you brilliant," she muses, her head falling casually to the left and you think its like she's noticing you for the very first time. "I just assumed your liver was already damned."

You think that maybe contradicting people are a lot more fun than you'd originally thought.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day four.<em>**

You don't see her again until the following Tuesday and you can't say you've been desperately searching for her or anything, but when you do see her its a near pleasant surprise. You're walking down the hallway when you stumble ever so slightly over the leather bag of some random girl, but random doesn't do her much justice.

"Sorry about that," she says over her shoulder as she exchanges books in her locker. She doesn't know who she's talking to, you presume, and you shrug it off.

"Yeah, yeah, uh, its fine- Massie, right?"

She snorts in response and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, shooting you a look and shaking her head. You bite the inside of your lip a sign of nervousness and that is just not you, never has been. "Yeah, and what was your name again? Josh?"

You stare at her dumbfounded and then smile bit, "Derrick, but you were close."

"Wish I could say the same to you," she sighed, that smirk making its way upon her lips again as she let out an airy giggle at her own comment before turning on her heel and not even giving you a second glance as her boots hit the linoleum floor.

"_Serendipity_," you mutter, walking away.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day seven.<em>**

"Are you okay?" Skye asks you, breaking a Kit Kat bar in half and holding out a piece to you. She runs a hand through her pale blonde hair and you shake your head and stare out to where a brown-haired girl and a dark haired boy are conversing_ too_ cozily.

"Fine," You say, reaching out and grabbing the chocolate bar that sticks to your fingers. The cafeteria around you is in full bustle and you see a few girls walk by your table giggling and trying to make eye contact with you, but none of them are her and you realize that it serves you right for being so interested in a girl you barely know.

Skye sighs and reaches out and puts her hand over yours, "You can tell me if something's wrong Derrick," and her words are so sweet and laced like sugar that you want to throw up the candy that has barely made its way down because you don't realize until then what you've done wrong- what you've overlooked. Immediately you pull your hand from hers and smile.

"Seriously Skye, I'm fine," and you get up without another word because things aren't so simple anymore and you should have realized things from the way Skye looked at you and smiled like Christmas came early.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day eleven.<em>**

"'Ello love," Massie says in a British accent, dropping her bag on the table next to you in English and grins at you. You drop your head into your backpack and try your best to go to sleep because its too early, she shouldn't be here and her lousy jasmine perfume is suffocating you like no other. "Guess you're not a fan of my impersonation of James are you? Too bad, I think he'll_ love_ it."

"You should ask Cam what he thinks of it." You bite back harshly, there's an awkward silence, at least you think so, and you hear some shuffling and you look up thinking that she's left when in reality she's just pulling out her notebook.

"Eh, Cam's opinion doesn't matter, he's too nice to say anything critical anyway," she shrugs and starts doodling and you wonder how the hell she can be so aloof all the time, always in her own fucking world and you just wish that you can go there with her. "You seen Skye today?" She asks in a softer voice.

"No...why?" You ask as you yank out your own notebook to take notes.

"Just wondering, I mean you are her _best_ friend," you swallow because you know what she's trying to do here and you refuse to let her guilt trip you about ignoring Skye. When you don't respond you think she'll try harder to pry but instead she sits silently with that damn crooked smirk on her face that you know will be the death of you. The rest of the period goes on in silence until your teacher asks for desk partners to discuss the meaning of love.

"Love doesn't have a meaning, its nonexistent," She states matter-of-factly, you raise an eyebrow.

"How cliche of you Ms. Block," you respond, shaking your head slightly even though you agree almost completely and you find her view to just add to her attraction.

"Cliche? _Never_." She says in mock hurt, "Its just a stupid reason for people to claim some kind of hold on someone. You don't need love. Its like having a boyfriend telling him you love him and then cheating on him and telling_ that_ guy you love him and then years later marrying someone and telling them the same thing- you can't tell me you love them all. I know you'll say you lov_ed_ them but if love is so strong, since when did it have an expiration date? It doesn't have a meaning, its too carelessly used and misinterpreted. It has become nonexistent, and whatever purity it had to begin with - which is very little- has been lost." When she's done you grin so much you think your face is going to fall off and you shake your head as you continue to copy notes off of the board.

"What about love at first sight?" You ask, pushing her to find about what else it is that she think, besides the sound of her voice is all too comforting in ways it shouldn't be.

"You mean lust at first sight? Please, its just seeing someone and wanting to bang them, the only thing you know about them from that point is their facial features and please if someone tells me they fell in love with me at first sight, I'd knee them in their privates for being so shallow."

"Lovely," you whistle, she laughs and turns to you.

"And you Mr. Harrington?" You shake your head and write in your journal.

"Nonexistent."

"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." She says, her face turned back to her notebook, you study her profile and you nod as you watch her hair fall so carelessly onto her papers, her strangely colored eyes blink, and her hand produce some of the neatest writing you've ever seen.

"So do I."

* * *

><p><strong><em>day fifteen.<br>_**

"Let's go to IKEA," she says one lunch, dropping her tray onto the table with a slight clang and watches as Alicia follows suit. Your lunch table seems to now include yourself, Massie, Alicia, Skye, Cam Fisher, Kemp Hurley, Cam's friend Kristen, James Wright, and Joshua Hotz. You find this new seating arrangement a tad claustrophobic but you can't say you don't enjoy it.

"IKEA? _Really Mass_?" Alicia asks, rolling her eyes and quickly leaning over to steal one of James' fries.

"Your stupidity has been left unchallenged once again and I won't bother questioning it this time," James says in his strict British accent. Massie chucks a carrot at him and you're smiling to yourself (_again_).

"Don't you have something else to do, like I don't know, eat a fucking crumpet?" She asks, scooting in next to Josh and Skye. She pushes her hair out of her face and you watch as she sizes up her meal before she eats it, trying to figure out where exactly to start first. She's kind of strange, you think, and you kind of like that (you're sure).

"Funny, really funny." James says, muttering profanities under his breath. Everyone rolls their eyes at him and continues the regular lunch time conversation.

"_Anywhore_," everyone looks at her with perturbed expressions but ends up chuckling it off, "I say we go to IKEA and play a good 'ole game of hide-and-go-seek, what do you say?" She smiles brightly and taps her foot on the floor, lacing her fingers together in anticipation.

"I agree with James, you're a nut." Kemp says.

"As crazy as this sounds, and as right as Fuck and Little Fuck are, I think it'll be fun," Alicia says, grinning brightly at her best friend and Massie beams back, shooting Kemp a look with her eyebrow raised.

"Uh, yeah, Leesh is right," Kemp states, stuttering, everyone rolls their eyes and Massie pats his hands affectionately, shaking her head. Alicia snorts and flips him off, returning to her conversation with Skye who's just watching you calmly, no readable expression on her face.

"Let's do it." You agree and that seems to close the deal.

* * *

><p><em><strong>day seventeen.<strong>_

You're walking in the hallway and its only two minutes before you'll be handed a crisp tardy and be whisked away to sign up for a detention slot but you don't fucking care because in the middle of the hallway is the most horrific sight.

You watch as Cam and Massie face each other, laughing at something or the other before he gestures to the classroom at her and she pouts a bit. His different colored eyes glint with amusement and then he leans down and kisses her on the forehead, their bodies lingering close by for a minute while everyone passing by whispers about how damn perfect they are together. He walks away and she's standing there for a few moments longer than someone with coherent thoughts would, but you can't say much since you're doing the same thing.

Your blood is curdling and you don't even know why.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day nineteen.<em>**

The two of you are sitting in your car out in front of her house, and as usual, she doesn't plan on getting out for a while. The windows have been pulled down and her hair is falling out the car and she's swigging and old bottle of Coke that she seems to have just had in her bag.

"Ah, imagine, in just a few months, this will all be over." She sighs and runs a hand through her hair, her body is slumped against the chair in a very unfeminine way, yet you're still attracted to her to the height of insanity.

"Yeah, no more candy wrappers and dirty Coke bottles in my car anymore. I think I can live with that." You joke and watch as she rolls her amber eyes at you and then smiles at something unknown.

"Thanks for the rides by the way, I hate driving, its so..." She never cares to finish her sentence as she downs another sip and taps her fingers against the open door, humming to a tune you've never actually heard of.

"So," you say, smirking a little as you turn to her direction, "how's Cammie boy?"

She doesn't care to blush or anything that you'd expect from such a question, she shrugs a bit, sips more Coke and turns to you. "He's great...but you would know that, he's your best friend. Now the question you'd like to ask is '_how is your relationship with Cameron Fisher?_' and to that I'd say, 'well Derrick, its nonexistent you see because Cam's sweet and innocent, he calculates everything he says before he says it, and well I'm loud and obnoxious and I like to laugh at dirty jokes and live on the edge and_ the two of us_? Oh, we'll never really work'." She tucks her hair behind her ear and wiggles her toes and all you can do is blink.

There's a small pause as you ponder over what she's said and you think very carefully about what you're going to say next, but it kind of just slips out, "And Derrick Harrington? How's he?"

She smiles wryly, "He's perfect, but you knew that," and she throws her head back and laughs loudly before picking up her things, and running across the spacious grass lawn of her estate.

* * *

><p><em><strong>day twenty.<strong> _

When you walk into school the next day you feel fucking on top of the world. There's just a rush of adrenaline coursing through your body and though you're pretty sure why, you push it away because its ridiculous. _Love?_ Like Massie herself stated, its nonexistent. You're an eighteen year old boy for fuck's sake, not some sex starved vampire and all you have to worry about is the next big party, your math test and the big soccer game, not love. Yet here you are.

You push open the library doors to attend study hall and head over to the history section to look up some information for your next project when you hear some incessant giggling. Curiosity gets the best of you and you wish it hadn't.

"-I hear they're going out now." Kori Gedman is saying to an especially eager looking Allie-Rose.

"_No!_" Alle-Rose says, putting a hand to her mouth dramatically as she rifles through the history shelves.

"_Mhm!_ They're going on a date Friday, I hear he's taking her to see her favorite movie at that old theater, I think its Breakfast at Tiffany's - she's so lucky." Kori whispers, looking around, her eyes lit with the gossip she's spilling. Allie drops the books she's holding and pouts, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Don't tell me anything else, god, I've liked Cam for ages and here comes Massie, barely knowing him and they're suddenly together? Didn't they just get to know each other from Josh's party? Ridiculous." Kori pats Allie affectionately on the shoulder.

"They'll break up soon enough." She assures her and Allie nods even though the look on her face shows disbelief. You drop the books your holding just as Allie-Rose had done and the two girls look up to see you, their eyes widening and they pick up the mess they've made, walking away from you, licking their lips and looking you up and down, but all you can think is that you hope Kori's right.

Your trip to IKEA in the evening proves otherwise. While looking for a hiding place from Kemp with Alicia you spot the two of them and Massie's throwing stuffed toys at him and they're laughing like crazy and he pulls her into a hug and you see that stupid smirk on her face grow into a huge smile as their lips meet. You're in a trance until Alicia pulls at your arm softly (uncharacteristically) and forces you to move along.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day twenty-nine.<em>**

You're falling in a downward spiral and you shouldn't be. This girl is no one, twenty-nine days ago she was just Skye's friend, the girl with the long brown hair who shared a few classes with you not someone who had so much control over you.

In twenty-nine days you've lost both your best friends, fallen for a stranger and lost yourself and its all so surreal but here it is, happening to you.

"Derrick," Skye says loudly one day at lunch, she sits next to you and places her hand on your shoulder. "Derrick, we need to talk." You stare straight ahead at the wall and a minute later, finally look up at her. To everyone else in the cafeteria your life looks the same as its always been. You're eating the same school lunch, in the same spot, you and Skye are talking and you look the same, dress the same, go home in the same damn SUV to the same estate - yet everything's so different and you can tell just from Skye's voice.

"About?" You ask after a bite of your sandwich, you ruffle your hair and tilt your head.

"_Everything_- what happened?" She asks, and you nearly roll your eyes, everyone knows you're moody, its just your personality- the anal, genius, moody best friend to Skye Hamilton and Cameron Fisher.

"Nothing...I'm just eating a sandwich, want a bite?" You ask, she shakes her head.

"Look if there's something I did, I'm sorry, I just, I want to be friends again, I miss talking to you." She says this all so softly that you feel a pang of guilt. How could you have ignored your best friend? Massie was just some girl who came along, she'll pass, you think, but Skye is such a constant.

"We never stopped being friends Skye, don't be emotional," you smile kindly and she smiles back even though she isn't convinced. "Got it?" She nods again, and her blonde hair shines in the fluorescents and you think that if you had to, you could grow to like her how she likes you.

Then you see Massie laughing with Dylan Marvil and you know you're just lying to yourself.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day thirty.<em>**

You should have known, contradictory people were never for you. You should never have fallen so hard for Massie Block and you want things to heal, you convince yourself they have and after Massie's and Cam's date becomes a thing of common knowledge you learn to brush it off, tune it out, but you can't seem to do that with the pain it causes you.

Its a blur of white and black when you kick the soccer ball in front of you with all the might and anger that's building up, and it goes flying straight into the goal from where you're standing all the way on the other side. Your teammates cheer and clap you on the back and your coach even yells something of a congrats but you don't care. You continue to just kick the ball whenever it comes to you, as is the game of soccer, but your teammates start to get annoyed, you're playing rough now and you're hogging the ball.

"Ay, D," Cam puts his hand around your shoulder and messes your hair up, laughing at you. "Calm the fuck down man, you keep beasting it up out there and everyone's going to hate you." Cam grins at something behind you and you turn and look at the bleachers where Massie's sitting with Alicia and Skye, you push past Cam, your shoulders making direct contact. You don't care if it hurts you as long as it hurts him too. You can't believe how stupid you were to have ever thought she'd give you a second glance, let alone think of you in that way.

Besides, they belong together, them and their fucking weird eyes.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day thirty-two. <em>**

**Massie:** didn't see you in english, you okay? you've been acting rather strange child...

Staring at your blinking phone, you think that you can reply with just about anything and it won't affect you. You won't be able to see her reaction, see if her eyes fill up with tears or if her face contorts into utter rage or if she just laughs it off and calls you a dick, putting her phone away - it doesn't affect you because you won't see her get hurt and even though the idea of it is scarring, you find that selfishly enough, this way you won't have the urge to comfort her.

**Derrick:** go to hell.

**Massie:** i'll meet you there.

* * *

><p><em><strong>day thirty-nine.<strong>_

There's a knock on your room door and you find that its your sister. "Someone's here to see you," she says it in a way as if she's confused and she opens the door wider to show Massie.

"Oh," you blink and set down your game controller, Sammi leaves and its just you and Massie. Massie clears her throat and you mess your hair up, her eyes dart to your bare, chiseled stomach and you don't care if she feels awkward, in fact you want her to, so you lean back and stare at her.

"So, Derrick...uh...uhm, well..." You nod for her to continue and stretch, she's still staring at your six-pack and she blinks, shaking her head, "can you put a damn shirt on please?" You snort and shake your head. "Fine. Look, I don't know where you've been at school, I only ever see you in Math when I'm pretty sure you're in some of my other classes, but anyway, Cam asked me to be his girlfriend today." She plops down on your bed and you grunt.

"So?" You ask bitterly, "why the hell would you come here to tell me that?"

She sighs and picks lint off your black duvet, "I know you know why Derrick."

"Okay..? What did you say?" You say in a monotone, you're taking deep breaths to try and not show her your annoyance and how angry you really are. It shouldn't be like this though, you think - its your silent chant, its been this way since you met her. You shouldn't know her, your paths shouldn't have crossed and you were never meant to be together, you're too cynical and as much as she protests, she's fragile and so damn immature that she's innocent. She deserves someone like Cam, someone who's just as pure and not as jaded as you. Someone who will laugh with her and not relate everything to common sense and correct her when she's said something stupid, someone to just comfort her and not someone who'd compare everything so logically. Mentally, she's a child and you, you're a bitter old man who's dying inside.

"I said I'd let him know, that's why I'm here." She says, her voice isn't soft or delicate, no, its straight and to the point. You'd think this were a regular, casual conversation that every male and female friend had, but you know better. "If you say I shouldn't, I won't, you and I both know why you're being like this, well at least I think I do. I'm not really ready for a relationship either, but I mean its high school right? Nothing's set in stone. What do you say?" She looks at you with those big, doe shaped, amber eyes and you don't have the heart to give her up, but you have to.

"I have no fucking idea what you're talking about Massie, like always. Go back to Cam, I have no idea what drove you to even come here in the first place. Why would any of this affect me? I'm not your mom, you don't have to ask me for permission." You turn back to your TV and you can't bring yourself to look at her face.

"Alright," her voice is quiet, broken and soft, everything that isn't her.

The door clicks shut and that's when you wish everything else would just do the same.

* * *

><p><em><strong>day forty-five.<strong>_

You've become complete strangers.

She walks in the hallways with her long hair dangling behind her, her eyes still lit with a type of flame you'll never understand and her lanky frame darts through the halls and boys still mutter about her beauty in the locker rooms. Though now when you see her, you don't have the pride in putting your arm around her and listening to her obnoxious stories and her loud laughter bounce off the walls. She never even looks at you, if she does its as if there's nothing there, as if you're just another student in the halls and she has her own worries and you are not one of them.

Now when she sees you, she is simply Massie Block and you are simply Derrick Harrington and the idea of the two of you working was never one to even flit across her ever-wandering mind.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day sixty-seven.<em>**

Its pouring icy cold rain and you're walking through it to your car without a problem - well with the rain. Your shoes are soping wet and you're just glad that the cold is numbing your skull and keeping you from thinking about things that you probably shouldn't.

When you reach your SUV you're almost taken aback because parked next to it is a black BMW and there's a girl fiddling with the keys and her long brown hair is wet at the edges and she keep trying to push it all back into her hood. You stop and just stare at her for a minute because her silhouette is oh so familiar and you can almost smell jasmine lingering off of her.

She looks up at you and she stops looking through her keys, her amber eyes searching your brown ones and she hardens her jaw in anger and groans in annoyance when she can't find the right key.

"Let me help you," you say and you walk over and take the keys from her, finding the right one and hold it out to her. She opens her door and drops her stuff, walking to the other side to get in, "No thank you?" You ask bitterly and she just stares at you.

"I don't get you sometimes," she huffs and you curse yourself for thinking she looks so lovely in the rain with her tangled hair and her dripping face and you suddenly feel like someone punched you in the stomach.

"You don't need to." You state firmly and you turn to your car and sigh.

"You should have just told me in the beginning, its your fault things ended up like this, you don't get to be mad at me." She states in an almost monotone voice. "Its your own damn fault." She opens her car door and you suddenly feel a rush of heat through your veins and you want to fight it out one last time.

"_Me_?" You ask exasperatedly. "Its your fault, if you hadn't run off with Cam and shut me out, none of this would have happened."

"Cam? Oh god no Derrick, it has _nothing_ to do with him," She runs a hand through her hair before realizing its wet and then drops it frowning, you want to smile and you're afraid your twitching mouth is going to betray you. "I never knew I wasn't allowed to date, all you had to do was say something you know, but you didn't and now its too late- I'm sorry."

As her car drives away, you're splashed with a puddle of icy cold water and you think things can't possibly get any worse.

* * *

><p><em><strong>day seventy.<strong>_

Time heals things, you're slowly starting to become what you were before. You, Josh, James, Kemp, Cam and Kristen have found yourselves sitting alone again, like things were before. Kemp is still overly infatuated with Alicia Rivera and his attempts at wooing her are still sympathetic, Josh is still an idiot who thinks passing out on the weekends is a hobby, James is still a judgmental British asshole, Kristen's still Cam's best friend next to you and still has her nose buried in a book, Cam's still his same gentle self and you - you're still Mr. Perfect Derrick Harrington on the outside, best friend to Skye Hamilton who is now apparently girlfriend to Daniel Robbins. The only things that have changed is that Cam's still dating Massie and there are days when she comes over and you don't even exchange eye contact and of course, you've changed.

Like these things always go, one comes out okay while the other is left with a broken heart and too many pieces to pick up.

* * *

><p><strong><em>day eighty-one.<em> **

When the night of prom comes along you take Olivia Ryan, ditzy, stupid, Olivia Ryan - just because you know she's so different from Massie Block and you know that Massie can't stand the walking Barbie.

Olivia's slutty attempts, pouty-pink lips and plastic body do not help to numb the pain because yes, its still there. Sharing a limo with the world's perfect couple does not help you at all, Cam and Massie are nudging each other and making stupid jokes and playing dumb games while Olivia Ryan cannot keep her hands off of you - any boy in Westchester would kill to be you, but no you'd rather be in Cam's shoes with Massie Block whispering lines from The Office in his ear.

After one too many failed attempts of Olivia trying to get your belt off without your knowledge and of you downing as much vodka as you can, you arrive at the venue. As you're getting out of the limo you feel a pair of burning amber eyes on you and you can swear you see a ghost of a smirk on that damn face; you almost stumble out of the car, but you've never been a lightweight.

When prom king and queen are called you hear your name somewhere distant and then Massie Block. The walls feel like they're closing in and you dash outside as fast as you can with Olivia calling out your name because at least this way Cam will win and this way, things will be how they're supposed to be and you can't bare to stand there with your hands on her hips smiling at a camera with a velvet crown on your head pretending like everything's okay because its fucking not. At least when Cam wins, she'll be smiling in gratitude and maybe she'll be able to make eye contact with you and smirk at you like before._ Maybe._

* * *

><p><em><strong>day eighty-six. <strong>_

There are seven days until graduation, seven days until you're officially out there in the world, seven days until you can leave this godforsaken place, seven days until you can start packing for Yale, seven days until you'll never see those damn amber again, seven days until your world changes for good.

Just seven.

You're standing in the middle of Josh Hotz's living room again, red cup in your hand, but this time you know why you're here, you're here to bask in what will soon be what-once-was, you're here to relive what will soon be your glory days - you're here because you owe it to your friends and yourself to just be _you_ for one last week. You tilt your head back and down your drink, wiping the remnants on the back of your hand.

When you see Cam and Massie dancing together and smiling madly, you think they're fools, their time together will be over even before they could decide for it to be. You don't feel anything when you watch the black haired boy and the gorgeous brunette dance, no, nothing. You close your eyes and let out a deep, alcohol tainted breath.

You hear a distant, "One sec, okay?" and soon you feel the presence of someone standing next to you. You open one eye and smile lazily.

"Hey." _I'm sorry._

"Hello." _It's okay._

"Here we are, again." _I missed you._

"Yep, and in just seven days, we would have graduated." _I'll miss you. _

"I know." _I will too. _

"Don't be a stranger, alright?" _Everything's okay- we're okay. _

You watch her walk away into the crowd and as someone passes by with a tray of shots you down shot after shot after shot, your liver is already damned anyway.

* * *

><p><em><strong>day ninety-three.<strong>_

Its Grad Night and everyone's hyper off of nostalgia and the high of being young for just one last night hangs over the air. The laughter and the shouting and the shrill screaming pierces your ears and your heart because you most likely will never hear it again.

The theme park you're at is lit up just for your class and closed down so that the Seniors of Westchester can be at peace without the prying eyes of their parents or other students looking at them cryptically and judging them. Within the gates, they're just teenagers in love with the idea of being children again.

When the night comes to a close and the sun starts to slowly roll up, its announced that the buses are coming in and you feel frantic, you need to get it off your chest. When you see her clinging to James's hood and screaming as he gives her a piggy back ride, racing against Alicia and Cam you know what you have to do. James sets her down and he says something in a panted voice about her needing to lose weight and she slaps his shoulder and everyone is all giggles.

You need to talk to her, you need to hear that voice at least one last time.

You look at her from your perch against the railing and her eyes meet yours and nothing is said but she knows you want to talk to her, and she walks over calmly when no one notices and looks at you with those burning eyes.

"We graduated, can you believe it?" She asks, with an exasperated voice, looking up at the sky which is going from purple to pink. You don't need to read her mind or have her speak to know she's silently counting the vanishing stars while fiddling with her zipper and standing in pointe.

"Massie," she looks at you and lets go of her zipper and drops back down from her stance on her toes. "I need you to know that I, I think I love you." She blinks and you can almost notice a tiny smile form on her lips thinking you're joking and you're frantic, "I know its not something the two of us," you point in between the two of you, "necessarily believe in and damn I never thought I'd say that, but its true. I don't fucking know how this works or when it'll be over and I can finally just laugh at this but I love you and you don't know how badly I want it to be_ loved_ or non-existent all together but I, I don't know anymore. Maybe one day I'll meet someone else and I'll compare this to how much I like them and realize how dumb I am for admitting to loving someone when I'm only fucking eighteen but..." you look at her again and her face is blank, her eyes have flickered and they're just dark and watching you with a pained expression. "We'll laugh about this...one day, at our high school reunion, but for now, I just need to figure things out and move on and get over the idea of no longer being in high school, I just needed you to know, that I love you."

She stares at you and in the most childish manner, she turns away but then turns back, her pink, moist lips open but she shuts them and you decide you've said all that you could and you turn away.

_You want to look back, but you don't._

* * *

><p><em>"She acts like summer and walks like rain."<br>_**-Drops of Jupiter.**

**_epilogue (too many days to count)  
><em>**

Walking on Duke's campus in early fall, you think you rather like it. Filled with crunchy leaves and browns, reds and oranges, it reminds you of home. Law school has come much too fast and you've come to get over the idea of growing up, you've always been an adult at heart.

You yawn and hit someone walking in your way, hot coffee splashes against your coat.

"Oh _shit_!" Someone screeches, "I'm so sorry," the girl who you've seemingly knocked into begins to kneed your jacket with a napkin, frantically trying to remove the stain. You step back. If this had happened on any other occasion you would have been extremely annoyed and angry but something about the crisp fall weather, your happy mood and something to do with the girl's tinkling voice makes you rather calm.

"Its fine, I was planning on taking it off anyway," you say politely.

"Are you sure? Coffee stains suck major ass," your eyebrows knit together and you laugh watching as she tries wiping some of the coffee off of her own body, her chestnut hair falling all around her and the smell of jasmine tickles your nostrils.

You stop laughing immediately and she looks up at you and blinks amber eyes, a smirk on her face, a permanent one at that and she doesn't bother to pick her coffee up but instead reaches over and hugs you, enveloping you in a scent that's bitter yet sweet, calming yet adrenaline pumping, alive with the smell of flowers yet welcomingly musty with the smell of potpourri. You learn to like that smell though.

You'll always have a soft spot for contradicting things.

* * *

><p><em>i don't know if i like this...i've literally spent four to five months writing this because <em>_i've had the worst writer's block. i was kinda inspired by 500 days of summer, because that movie is effing amazing and i needed to write...so here this is. if it sucks, i'm truly sorry. also i'm sorry its so stupidly long. had some help from _kissinginparis_ to help me through the writer's block. _

_also i'm sorry if there are some grammatical errors, my brain is like dead after last week's finals and is slowly recovering.  
><em>

_THANK YOU! review if you'd like!  
><em>


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